Your Mom Rage is probably a clue
And no, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad Mom. You’re probably just overwhelmed.
Your emotions often point to something larger underneath. Before shaming the emotions, name them and get curious.
A few days ago, I was grumpy. It had been a long week of school holidays, we didn’t go out too much because of the haze in Singapore. And on Friday night, my daughter began to complain of tiredness, and I suspected she might be falling sick. And my first instinct was…more grumpiness and some resentment at the timing of it.
And then? I judged myself for the resentment.
What kind of a mother am I?
And then, thankfully, a kinder voice stepped in with some perspective: all week I’d been juggling a lot while on my period, operating on half capacity with my body lately and while my partner who usually shares this load was away on work. It really did feel like I couldn’t catch a break. It’s okay that I felt this way.
I was able to catch the guilt in time, made some warm herbal tea for my daughter and went to bed early. And the next morning, after I spent some time journalling, I realised that I was feeling depleted and tired. I needed to plan for some time that felt nourishing to me. And so, I decided to let some less urgent things be, and make a super simple lunch later and brought out some art supplies and put them on the dining table.
We sat down together and made art for the next 2-3 hours. Making art together has always been something both of us enjoy, right from the time she was able to grip a crayon in her little fist. It always makes us feel closer and it’s no wonder that I got tons of hugs and kisses from her afterwards. Making art is how I come home to myself as well.
Some art supplies, some time spent together making art was just the reset I needed.
Emotions are often signposts
Even despite being very aware of our needs and knowing our patterns, it is quite possible that in the thick of things, we forget some basics. Like tending to ourselves. Often, our emotions are signals that something isn’t being tended to. In my case, it was that resentment I felt.
And because I was able to catch what was underneath it in time, I was able to address it and manage to not go into a shame spiral about being a bad mother or worse, take my frustration out on my daughter. And to be clear, it hasn’t always been this way for me. In the early years, I was great at taking care of my toddler’s needs and terrible at looking after mine. Therapy helped quite a bit in helping me see through it and replace the judgment with self-compassion. It made motherhood a lot easier too :)
TL;DR: Your emotions – sadness, anger, resentment, frustration – are often signposts that point to something that isn’t okay. Instead of just blaming yourself for feeling these emotions, it helps to get curious about what may be underneath. Journalling and art can be processes that really help you get some clarity. Talking to a supportive loved one can help. And if you feel like you need more support, seeking therapy from a professional can help as well.
Hello, nice to meet you.
My name is Shub, I’m an expressive arts therapy practitioner and counsellor based in Singapore, and I offer sessions in-person and online. Read more about me.
Ready to experience the power of expressive arts therapy?
Maybe you've been in talk therapy for a while and you feel like you need something a little more, or you are going through something and you would like to see how art therapy might be useful for you. Either way, click below to set up a discovery call, and let's talk.
